Desirable Qualities and Self-Deception
Tonight I was talking to a couple of women here at my school about several different things, and then the topic of guys came up (funny how that works...). Anyway, we were just talking about different guys, and who we could potentially be interested in, who we wouldn't be interested in, etc. Just fluffy conversation mostly, we weren't really taking it seriously. But when talking about one of the guys, one of the women said, "No, not him. He's not very handsome."
That sentiment still always catches me off guard. I mean, it really just throws me--especially when I am in the company of Christians who I (wrongly) expect to see the beauty the Creator put in the physical presence of all people. I totally forget that not everyone functions that way. I am so stuck in that camp that sometimes I don't realize not everyone lives there too. It really throws me for a loop when I'm reminded.
Not that I'm saying I'm so fabulous because I see physical beauty in all people. I mean, I do, but I just have different hang-ups. Substitute the word "handsome" in the woman's comment for "intelligent", "self-aware", or "emotionally mature" and I've made a similar comment a million times. Are those somehow more appropriate qualities to desire? I mean, I feel like they're not quite as shallow...but is that just a comforting self-deception? I don't think so...but that's why they call it self-deception.
That sentiment still always catches me off guard. I mean, it really just throws me--especially when I am in the company of Christians who I (wrongly) expect to see the beauty the Creator put in the physical presence of all people. I totally forget that not everyone functions that way. I am so stuck in that camp that sometimes I don't realize not everyone lives there too. It really throws me for a loop when I'm reminded.
Not that I'm saying I'm so fabulous because I see physical beauty in all people. I mean, I do, but I just have different hang-ups. Substitute the word "handsome" in the woman's comment for "intelligent", "self-aware", or "emotionally mature" and I've made a similar comment a million times. Are those somehow more appropriate qualities to desire? I mean, I feel like they're not quite as shallow...but is that just a comforting self-deception? I don't think so...but that's why they call it self-deception.
posted by bethany at 8:46 PM
1 Comments:
Often times, and this is not implied towards present company, we need certain qualities about our potential mate for fear of how it does/doesn't reflect on ourselves. That is, if he's not handsome, it reflects badly on how we are seen (i.e. that we can't get a hot guy). I wonder if our legitimately positive and fruitful inner character traits have been desired simply because it would justify that other person's sense of self-esteem? If so, is that any "worse" than a person who doesn't want to date someone for lack of looks?
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