Open Doors Galore

So, now that I've decided to go back into teaching special ed, of course today (almost 4 weeks after my interview) I get the offer to be a chaplain in residence at a hospital in the L.A. area (CPE residency, for those who know what that is).

I kind of wish I didn't get it, because then I could be 100% positive that it wasn't what God was calling me to do at this point. I mean, I do feel pretty secure that God is all cool with me teaching special ed--but it just would have been nice if this hospital thing was a no-go, so I knew for sure that it wasn't the right thing.

Is it just me, or as we get older does it become less and less clear what the "right" thing to do is in every situation? At least for me, I feel like the older I get and the more experience I have following Jesus, the more I just have to say, "OK God, you know me well enough to know that I am a thick-headed human. But you also know I want to follow you and love your people and be the person you made me to be in this world. So, I'm just going to step out in all sorts of things that seem like they are good and in line with your love for the world, and trust that you are going to be working, and that if something is really the right or wrong decision you will reveal that in a way that even a thick-headed human like me can understand."

I've been moving away from the whole "there is one perfect path for you and you sure as hell better find it" mentality, and instead focusing on God's power and sovereignty and ability to redeem even our most idiotic acts. I am quite sure that our weakness and neediness for God's help in all things does not come as a surprise to God...


Keeping Up with the Tags

OK, I have 2 tags I need to take care of. So instead of just continually putting them on the backburner, I'll do them now. And I'm not going to tag someone else--just figure if you want to be tagged, consider yourself tagged. Feel free to post a comment w/ your responses, or in your own blog. Whatever, I'm flexible with rules.

First, my old-school IV brotha Eman tagged me to say 6 interesting/unique/weird/etc. things about myself. Here goes...

1) Starting about 7 or 8 months ago, I began cutting my own hair.

2) On this same note, a while ago I also started to make my own earrings.

3) Showering is one of my favorite things to do. I love being in water.

4) I come from a line of bakers. My grandfather had a bakery in Chicago, his family had one in Hungary, and on down the line. And yes, I do bake some bad-ass bread.

5) I can probably sing louder than almost anyone you know. Depending on the person and the situation, this can or cannot be a good thing.

6) Though I live quite simply in most aspects of life, I have very expensive and particular tastes when it comes to shoes and backpacks (not purses, just backpacks).

And here's the other tag, from Lisa: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now.// Here are mine, in no particular order.

1. Buildings and Bridges by Ani DiFranco
2. Annie's Song by John Denver
3. Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake
4. I Am Not My Hair by India.Arie
5. Florida by Patty Griffin
6. Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine


Turkey Twins Strike Again!

I told my friend stephaniecapell I would blog about our little experience today, just because it was kind of odd and funny.

So we went to have some delicious sushi at this place at the mall (okay all you haters, yes there can actually be tasty sushi at the mall). It was some good stuff. Then we decided to walk off some of said sushi by just taking a couple laps up and down the mall shops. When we were almost back to our cars, we were approached by 2 men wearing white polos and carrying clip-boards.

One of the men was in his 50s and had some pretty severe cerebral palsy on his left side that affected his movement. The other guy was really young...like maybe 16, and was just really quiet. They were very friendly, and an interesting duo. The conversation went like this:

Older guy: Hey, here are two nice girls, do you guys want to give us your opinion?
Us: (looking at each other apprehensively) Uh...ok.
OG: Do you guys ever eat sliced turkey? How old are you?

Blah blah blah, on from here. So then they tell us to follow them. We just kind of look at each other apprehensively again. And then we go down this dark alley... OK, not really, we just walked down to their office. And we sit down, I answer some questions about my turkey eating habits, and they give me 2 packages of sliced turkey meat to take home. (Sadly, Steph is an elderly woman, and since she is 2 years older than me they had already filled up the old lady age category. HA! Just kidding, love ya friend.)

As we were walking out, me with turkey in hand, I felt like we had just been in a David Lynch movie. So many characters in this world. Isn't this world such an interesting place?

*As a final sidenote, it is looking like I'm going to be able to get through the school district bureaucracy and start teaching again. Perhaps even at the same Special Ed school I was at before. I am really pleased with that; and will talk about this in detail sometime soon.


A taste of the random.

1. It is not the easiest thing to walk down a lot of stairs wearing flip-flops and carrying stuff in your arms.

2. Who is down with the Green Machine? (as in, Naked Juice's Green Machine.) I am loving it--it has broccoli, garlic, algae, wheatgrass...and it's delicious! What more could you ask for? Except for the fact that it costs $3 for a bottle. That makes it a rare little booster.

3. The new plan (always open to revision) is to go ahead and try to teach again and also finish my teaching credential in special ed. That will always give me something to fall back on if I'm ever in-between jobs; oh yeah, and also I love it.

4. I realized anew lately that the only reason I went to seminary was so I could be a pastoral minister in a L'Arche community. No wonder I'm not falling all over myself trying to find a parish ministry job. Plus, if I'm just going to be starting a PhD program in a few years, what's the point of it?

5. Aforementioned PhD program requires that I know German. (It actually requires that I know 5 languages, not counting English, but I have the Greek and Hebrew under control, and the others I can learn in the program.) Any ideas on how to best learn a foreign language? Community college? Private tutor? Working through books on my own? Any ideas, especially if you did them yourself, would be appreciated.

6. Yes, I'm still reading Crime and Punishment. About 2/3 of the way through. I am really enjoying it. It's no Brothers Karamazov, but it's still a wonderful book.


Where's the love?

Sometimes there is hostility out there that makes no sense to me. For example, as I was looking through the jobs and rentals on craigslist, I briefly wandered into the little personal ads section. In some ways this was against my better judgment, because I have looked there before and talked to my friends about it, and we agree that it is mostly just depressing and lonely and sad. But anyway, I was there, and found all these very angry, hateful, and mean-spirited messages written about BBW.

For those not "in the know," the acronym BBW stands for "Big Beautiful Women." It is a term that packs in it both empowerment and subversion, in a culture that says: only thin women are beautiful, and fat women should be ashamed of themselves and see themselves totally repulsive, unattractive, and ugly.

I mean, who really would care about this term BBW, right? Sure, people might say their problem with weight is really about health; but there are plenty of thin people who never exercise and are unhealthy, and no one's giving them a hard time. So let's be honest with ourselves, shall we? And if someone isn't attracted to big women, who really cares, but do you really have to try to write things to make big women feel bad about themselves? As if it isn't easy enough in this country, for all women to feel bad about themselves. Can't you just let people live with different aesthetic preferences than you, and just let it go? What the F is the point of being such a jackass? I just don't get why there is such hostility and a need to belittle big women. Here are some of the posts of the big a-holes on craigslist. (There are a lot more, but this is just a sampling.) Tell me if you have a theory for why people feel the need to write these things. I mean, fine, if you want to say "Hey, I only date big women" then whatever. It's your perogative. But why be mean? I can't for the life of me figure out why there would be such hostility about this...

"Reverse Psychology: I want a big gal. Not just "I've a few pounds to loose(sic)", or size 18+ on a good day, BBW, Jenny Craig's new campaign gal or even circus fat lady large. I want to hear thighs squeaking when you walk. I want to see you leave footprints in dry cement. I want the Earth to slow its rotation when you stand. How about time to break down the wall and use a forklift to cart you over to ICU big! "

"Translation of Women's dating ads: # BBW - Grossly, morbidly obese (Bring Burgers With)"

"BBW: the ultimate oxymoron"

"A thought to ponder; One of those BBW women might take a guy who can only f**k like you do because their choices are somewhat limited."

"I'm athletic, fit and attractive but by no means a gym rat or a granola, so will pass on the BBW thing...Other than that, pretty open minded." (So I guess he's open to drug addicts, serial killers, or gold-diggers, but for heaven's sake, be a THIN serial killer!)

"I'm tired of dating hot chicks. They are never happy and expect the world. I want a really ugly women or a fat one or both. I don't care if you weigh as much as a truck or if your face is so ugly that dogs are afraid of you. I'll be waiting for you're reply."

"I like athletic girls, weight lifting girls, petite girls, tall girls, pudgy girls, albino girls.. I do not however like fat girls."

"If you are BBW be glad if any guy wants to date you. U dont deserve to have any standards. No guy even watns to be seen with you, and if he is you should take him up on the offer since you are so fat and ugly and hez doing you a favor."



Just a little note to say:

Yes, I am still on the face of this earth.