Being Liberal

I have recently acquired a friend who identifies as an "extreme leftist." Now, depending on the company I'm in I can also look like an "extreme leftist"...but next to my friend I practically look like a conservative. He's literally (and I do mean literally) a card-carrying socialist. And I love his company, and enjoy talking to him about a lot of different things. Though, he definitely presents just one side of the story most of the time. But he presents it persuasively.

Now, one thing I've noticed over time is that it's typically much more fun to be the liberal one in a group, rather than the more conservative one. Like, at my church (which is self-defined as evangelical, and quite conservative) I think I'd probably be considered off-the-charts liberal, but at my seminary (where the faculty, and much of the students, have a pretty strong liberal bent) I came off as staunchly moderate. It's really fun to be the liberal one. Liberals just come off as cooler, you know? Sometimes a conservative comes off as a prudish schoolmarm...always saying who shouldn't be doing what, and wanting to convince everyone they're doing something immoral, and also that they should be white and American and make a lot of money. (Yes, I realize that's a giant stereotype, but it does often seem to come out that way in interactions and debates...) But liberals seem to be about greater acceptance of people, especially people on the margins of our culture, and just seem to be less judgmental in general (except of conservatives, to which the judgment is often patronizing and self-righteous and venomous...but that's for another post).

But one thing I've noticed in my friend, is how easy it is to get bogged down in a self-designation. It's like, once you've declared yourself a "liberal", you have to follow the liberals on every issue--and it's easy to become kind of lazy in figuring things out for yourself (he's not, it just makes me think about that possibility for people). Not that you aren't educated and articulate and aware of the arguments, but at the same time, because you've based your identity on this label, it's easier not to really consider those options outside of your self-designation. And because it's just more fun to be liberal, I think it's easy for me just to not even want to think about those times I am more conservative on certain issues (which is not necessarily frequent, but I don't think it's never either). I don't want to be lazy in my stance-taking, y'know?

And I got in an argument with this guy I know recently, who was trying to say that I wasn't very liberal. His rationale was that it was because I believe in God (and I think also, because I wouldn't sleep with him, but that's another story). And I found myself fighting to defend my designation as a liberal. And after trying for like 20 minutes to prove how damn liberal I am, I finally just thought--why does it matter whether he gives me this designation? And I realized that sometimes it's easy to get caught up in a label, and that it can prevent growth into new and different ways of thinking and being. I don't want to be about a label, I want to be about loving people.

This was underscored when I watched the movie Children of Men over the weekend (which I highly recommend). I won't give away the plot points, but let's just say, some people with a liberal agenda in the movie get really invested in their ideals, and they are so passionate about pushing their ideals, they forget that what it's really all about is the PEOPLE and not the ideals--the ideals are just there to empower and love and serve the people, especially the poor and people who don't have a voice, not the other way around.

I want to try and live that as much as I can, and if it makes me a liberal, fine, and if not, fine.

Suffering, Joy, and Connection

As mentioned in my previous post, my good friend Michelle and I had been talking about what makes us feel more connected to people--sharing in their joys or sharing in their sufferings. Certainly both are really important in getting to know someone, and building an honest relationship with them; but it seems to me like there's a special way that sharing suffering connects people.

I realized how much I believed this when Michelle mentioned that someone she knew connects to people better through their happiness than through suffering. This struck me as very odd. I mean, I can see how you can be happy for someone when they're happy, and enjoy their company and the overall good vibe they're sending out...but to really feel more connected to them by virtue of them sharing their happiness...even more connected than sharing pain...I'll admit it, I'm somewhat skeptical. At the moment, I have two main thoughts about this, that kind of go in different directions.

1) There is this girl I have a really hard time liking. Part of the reason is that she always talks about how utterly happy and content she is. Now, that in itself would not be over-the-top annoying (though, seriously, if someone talked about that all the time, it might be something I'd need a break from). The annoying thing is that I always pick up on a strong undercurrent of sadness from her, whenever I interact with her. So it's like, who are you trying to convince, lady? I mean, maybe that's her coping mechanism or something--we all have them, a mix of some healthy and some unhealthy ones. But the thing with her is, I can't connect to her when she's in her "I'm the most content I've ever been in my life" facade, because it's just not true. I feel so distant from her. But it's not the fact that she says she's happy that keeps us distant, it's that she's lying about how she's doing. And that's the thing, people are (on the whole) much more willing to share their moments of joy, success, happiness, and contentment with others. And that is certainly a good thing--and I think it can forge real closeness and intimacy in relationships...as long as it's true. With her, she recently had something frustrating happen, and then all the suffering that had been just under the surface started spilling out. And I felt so much love and compassion for her--not only because she was suffering, but because she was just being honest, finally, about what was really going on with her. So...one thought is that it's possible to connect with someone deeply through any feeling--as long as that feeling is actually present and what the person is really experiencing.

2) Another thought is that connecting through suffering just is a deeper level of connection. Part of that comes from the reality that it's typically harder to share real wounds, failures, and areas of pain than to share joys and successes. You're putting yourself in a vulnerable position with the person, while at the same time you are in a more vulnerable position more generally because you are in pain. When you're on top of the world, and content about everything...you're less vulnerable, right? I mean, there is nothing you really need that you're not getting, you're doing ok, and you probably feel hopeful. That is a position of strength. But real suffering is a position of weakness (at least, perceived weakness); and I think there's something about the neediness that really opens a person up for greater levels of connection and intimacy.

3) The last thought is just that for real connection to be established, there has to be sharing of both joys and sufferings. I don't know about you, but I always have a good deal of both within me, at any given time. There is never overflowing joy without (at least background) awareness of areas of sorrow. And, there is never overwhelming sorrow without (at least minimal) awareness of areas of joy. Though, of course, there is usually a predominant feeling at the time too, and I guess that's what gets expressed in the typical conversation. It's so much like the cross, you know? It's been coming up a lot in conversation lately (maybe since we're in Lent...), especially the travesty and horror of the cross. It is such a great paradox that the most ugly, horrible, hideous, hateful, senseless, heinous act of brutal violence, is also one of the most beautiful, loving, amazing, compassionate acts of selfless grace. Suffering and joy do exist simultaneously.

Great Good Newses

I. The sermon went well. I felt comfortable and relaxed, and also felt like the message got across clearly; also that I could be kind of humorous (but not making jokes, just in a way that's natural for my personality) and casual and preach as myself. So, all's well. Of course, it's hard for me to really trust all those people that come up after you preach to tell you how fabulous you are and what a good preacher and how fabulous your sermon was. I just don't really know whether to trust it, because it seems like people say that to all newish preachers just to be encouraging. So, for all I know maybe the content was really awful and the tone of my voice grated on people's ears. But I felt good about it, for all that's worth.

II. A great healing has occurred for my step-father, and it's looking like he doesn't need open-heart surgery at this point. So, he might get to go home in the next couple of days! It's really wonderful news; especially since he's had 2 open heart surgeries already in his life (he was a premie, and has had heart problems since he was a kid).

III. Related to II....that means I'm not going to be traveling to be with my family (until this weekend), and I get to go to Patty Griffin tomorrow night! Soooooooooo excited. I am prepared for my internal world to be rocked.

IV. There are two topics I'm going to mention here, just so I can remember that I want to blog about them in the future. a) My friend Michelle and I were talking about whether we connect more to people through their happiness or through their sadness. I want to explore this, and see the diversity of viewpoints. b) I have a friend (not the aformentioned Michelle, I love you darling) who in the past few times we've hung out has taken every opportunity possible to scrutinize the moral dimensions of every comment I make (even the totally unserious jokey comments)--and then proceeds to try to "challenge" me and teach me all these lessons so I can have a better way of seeing/feeling/viewing things. His moral arrogance and superiority angers me to no end. So, I just want to explore the role for these kinds of moral challenges within a friendship--and how it can be good, and when it can be very very very bad.