Thanking God

Today I was exhausted after work, but still had to go to the university where I'm doing my credential work to try to jump through some hoops and check on my application, etc. Every time I go there people are totally unhelpful and unprofessional, so it's not usually my favorite thing to do--but it's a necessity. So today I went, and after sitting in traffic and taking about 30 minutes to go 4 miles, I got to the parking lot where I park and go to the vending machine to buy a daily permit. They are so cheap--only like a buck for a couple hours...but then I realize...I have only 25 cents. So, just as I'm getting totally frustrated, and realizing the office might be closed by the time I get back with the money for the permit, a guy who's leaving asks if I'd like his permit--since it's an all day pass. And I was so grateful, and thanked God profusely. There was no doubt in my mind that it was God helping me out, and providing that person at the right time to bring me some light and a reminder that God is taking care of me. It was really great.

So then I started thinking about how God can seem so odd. I mean, I have been in frustrating situations (and much more frustrating) and there is no deus ex machina that happens that makes everything okay. And I just wonder what kind of weird logic God is using to decide when to work these little miracles on my behalf, and when to let my frustration and pain and sorrow grow. Because those times when the miracle happens aren't always necessarily the times I think I need it the most.

I sometimes wish I could be the one to decide where the miracles need to happen, and where I can do things myself. Because sometimes I feel like God is helping me out with something and I'm like, "Wait, no--this is under control, what I need help with is this thing over here!" But, alas, I am not God. And in the end (and in the beginning, for that matter), even if I sometimes may wish it were otherwise, this is decidedly a good thing.