Cut 'Em Off at the Knees
Last night I went to a free Weezer concert in the downtown ATL. I'll spare you the details of what it was like to be around a couple thousand drunk teenagers, to be standing in the soaking hot humidity, and to only be able to see the back of the guy in front of me for the whole two hours...but there was one thing that happened that was a good illustration of something I've been thinking about more recently.
There were a couple pillars in the midst of the crowd that were not really for climbing, but which a few people did climb up on to sit. For the first hour we were there, there were about 3 frat-looking guys sitting atop the pillar, and no one really seemed to pay much attention. But then a girl climbed up and was rocking out on top of the pillar (she seemed like a cool girl, just having a good time). Then a bunch of people around me started commenting on her, and mostly saying negative things about her. People then started throwing empty plastic bottles at her, and saying insulting things about her. One of my friends heard one guy say he was going to throw a bottle at her, and the other guy said, "Well it's a big enough target." The girl was very average-sized. (Obviously this situation illustrates several of the poisons running rampant in this world.)
But the specific poison I've been especially noticing lately is this strange compulsion in people to take someone in the spotlight and pull them down. People seem to love to criticize and say negative things about anyone who gains a position of prominence. Whether it be celebrities, church leaders, or just charismatic/effervescent people at a party or in a group of friends, there seems to be this need to bring them down (because of insecurity, boredom, whatever). I am certainly not immune to it, and I'm not saying it's never called for...it's just one of those things that happens when someone is willing to put themself out there.
And I'm realizing that this is one of the reasons I don't always put myself out there. It's one of the reasons I sometimes hide my gifts, and choose to remain in the background (which I am realizing I do much more often than I thought). And I guess that's just part of the deal in being willing to risk revealing the deep gifts (and also the many limitations) that are in us. Stand up on the pillar, and you're a target. Get ready for resentment, criticism, jealousy, negativity, and maybe even some plastic bottles.
There were a couple pillars in the midst of the crowd that were not really for climbing, but which a few people did climb up on to sit. For the first hour we were there, there were about 3 frat-looking guys sitting atop the pillar, and no one really seemed to pay much attention. But then a girl climbed up and was rocking out on top of the pillar (she seemed like a cool girl, just having a good time). Then a bunch of people around me started commenting on her, and mostly saying negative things about her. People then started throwing empty plastic bottles at her, and saying insulting things about her. One of my friends heard one guy say he was going to throw a bottle at her, and the other guy said, "Well it's a big enough target." The girl was very average-sized. (Obviously this situation illustrates several of the poisons running rampant in this world.)
But the specific poison I've been especially noticing lately is this strange compulsion in people to take someone in the spotlight and pull them down. People seem to love to criticize and say negative things about anyone who gains a position of prominence. Whether it be celebrities, church leaders, or just charismatic/effervescent people at a party or in a group of friends, there seems to be this need to bring them down (because of insecurity, boredom, whatever). I am certainly not immune to it, and I'm not saying it's never called for...it's just one of those things that happens when someone is willing to put themself out there.
And I'm realizing that this is one of the reasons I don't always put myself out there. It's one of the reasons I sometimes hide my gifts, and choose to remain in the background (which I am realizing I do much more often than I thought). And I guess that's just part of the deal in being willing to risk revealing the deep gifts (and also the many limitations) that are in us. Stand up on the pillar, and you're a target. Get ready for resentment, criticism, jealousy, negativity, and maybe even some plastic bottles.
posted by bethany at 3:06 PM
8 Comments:
I think it's the difference between trying to be seen for selfish reasons and trying to be a light shining in the darkness of the world. It seems obvious to me that many televangelists, "stars", and other people in prominent positions are in it for themselves only. People are perceptive and relize this and don't appreciate it. I'm not saying it's right to be ugly to people, but if a self-seeking person gets himself or herself into the spotlight, they also have to accept that they are going to have to live the life they've chosen, good or bad. I think if people just didn't pay any attention at all to people like that, the world would be a better place than if they were constantly criticizing them. Good and bad ublicity are still publicity and feed the egos of many people who simply want to stay in the public eye. Perhaps removing that opportunity would be more advisable and acceptable.
There's something about what you blogged about and Jesus having once said that a prophet never receives honor from their own people. Also, I think in general people have really deep streaks of schadenfreude which in German literally translates to "damage happy" or "happy for one's damage." Now how scary is it that the Germans felt a need to have a word to invent a word that describes this word into their vocabulary.
I don't think you should hide your gifts, but rather you should share them with others with the humility that comes with knowing these are gifts.
When I was in grade school, I often pretended to not be doing quite as well as I was really doing because it was easier that way. Of course, that meant that I was just held back (not in grade, just in achieving my own maximum success) by my own choice of behaviors.
It's important to remember that the smallness of others in no reason to limit oneself. We have a responsibility to use our abilities to do the best we can and forgive others that they undermine our efforts rather than support them.
Using your talenst is definitely important. You guys are right. We all should let our creativity and abilities flow and help others with them. There will be critics no matter what you do. You just have to accept that and keep on shining. I like darktortoise's take on humility and using your gifts. That's so right and so important. Y'all keep striving for excellence and keep doing good works!
if only it were that easy to just go use your gifts and ignore the naysayers...
it's not. at least for me.
Bethany, I know I don't know you and just kind of wandered by your blog and starting yacking, but your topic hit on an area I've been thinking about a lot. As such, I'm going another round with you now. :)
It's all about choice. You can choose to let the naysayers direct you, or you can choose to follow your own heart. Start this process by simply making it a theoretical exercise about something small. Ask yourself, "What's the right course of action? What should I really do?" Then try to anticipate what someone negative will say in response to the action and starting asking, "Why?" Talk it through by yourself and see the positive outcome. Then, when you're in the real situation, you can just refer back to the script and follow it. It's a script you chose.
If doing this alone is too hard, practice it here on the blog with your relatively anonymous, relatively objective well-wishers. Pose the situation where you could use the talents, then let others, through comments provide a combination of all the possible options and question/answer pairs of potential negativity.
I'll bet you're far stronger than you think or are saying, you just need a little nudge in the right direction, a little permission to act. In reality you don't need even that, but you can get it here for free.
Was my advice trite and unhelpful, as you mentioned elsewhere?
Well, it is the appropriate advice for someone who functions in a mostly rational, thinking-based way (which is not really me, but which I am guessing is you).
But truth be told, I wasn't asking for advice, just sharing my own observations and struggles. To see my thoughts on advice giving, look back a few posts to a post called "Getting Advice."
Maybe we just function differently, which is A-OK. It's a big big world.
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