The Future (specifically mine)

I have once again fallen in love with my students (or, at least a good number of them... ;) ). They are in turns (and often simultaneously) beautiful, hilarious, quirky, vulnerable, sneaky, loving, weird, kind, stubborn, fickle, and very gifted. I love being around them, and I really look forward to seeing them when the weekend is over. It's a great place to be, because as one of my friends has told me, it's who I really am and it's a way I'm really alive. I do love hanging out with people with disabilities. They are my people--whether one specific L'Arche community felt I was a good fit to join them or not. I think I began to doubt myself after that rejection, but my students have reminded me of who God has made me to be. It was hard to get back into this place where I could enjoy where I am, especially after getting my MDiv and watching most of my classmates go and put the degree to (more obviously direct) use in various ministry jobs (ordained and non-ordained). But as time passes, I am becoming really convinced that this is where I needed to be right now, for a number of reasons.

It's always nice to have these moments, especially after enduring a lot of loss and suffering. It makes that whole "trust God" thing a little more doable (for the moment, anyway).

Another good piece of news: I also feel a renewed passion for the kind of work I want to do for my PhD. I was going back and forth, but after reading this post by Chris (aka RegularGoy), I was again empassioned about an academic life discovering and uplifting the gifts people with disabilities bring to our world (and probably also some other people deemed weaker or not given voice in this world), and speaking out on how much our society needs all kinds of people, as well as their right to live a life and to find joy in their own way (i.e., please don't selectively abort people based on what you consider to be a difficult imperfection in their genes). And other related stuff, but you'll have to buy the book to find out. It should be released in about 2012.

I feel happy. And I think this post needs to end with a fun photo of one of my teachers (i.e., one of my students, Jose). How appropriate that he's the one in my imposing glasses. :)

The Little Things

In times like the one I am in right now, of oppressive, suffocating loneliness, it's good for me to try to be present to and appreciate those little things that make me smile. God is so in the little things, you know? Like today, this brief interaction between one of my students and I, when she first walked in the room this morning. I must have looked like hell or something, after crying on my way to work and just feeling like crap.

Shonshana: Hi Bethany
Me: Good morning, Shonshana
Shonshana: Are you okay?
Me: No
Shonshana: Oh, you're in trouble?
Me: {grinning}

Maybe you have to know her to appreciate this, since she's always getting in trouble for one thing or another. There was just something so endearing about that exchange. I loved that her first response was to assume I had gotten into trouble. It was just so sincere, and sweet, and funny. Thank God for those moments of light.