Reading People
My friend invited me to this show on Friday night where this woman talks about her "Four Man Plan" way of dating, and gives funny stories, anecdotes, and pearls of wisdom coated in sarcasm. It was definitely entertaining, though I doubt I would practice the plan in my own life in the exact way it's set up. But there were a few things that stuck with me--and this post will just go through one of them.
To give a little background, let me just toot my own horn and say that I'm really incredible at reading people. For a tangible example, when I was in college, my friend Frank and I would play this silly game where we met someone, and after about one minute we asked if I could guess their major. Then I would, and over 90% of the time I would get it right (down to a very specific level; e.g., not just "engineering" but "electrical engineering", etc.), and all would be filled with amazement (okay, on a stupid party trick level of amazement...). I used to play similar games where I would accurately guess how many siblings someone had and where they were in the line-up, and other facts about their family or about how they were in relationships or something like that. But beyond these party tricks, the point is I just have this very strong level of empathy that allows me to be almost kind of psychic about people and to know very quickly what they're about, what they're struggling with, what they're feeling, etc. It really is kind of uncanny.
So now that you know about this, let me just say, this extraordinary ability goes straight to hell in the area of romance. While when meeting a stranger I could tell you lots and lots about them from a very brief interaction, when dealing with men to date, I am rendered completely useless in this area. Is he interested in me? Hell if I know. Does he want to get to know me better? Clueless. Is this a date, or are we firmly in the friend category? {blank stare} Is he attracted to me? No idea. You get the picture. I wish it did carry over though, it would be so useful. Why doesn't it??? Argh.
So, as Cindy Lu said in her show, as the first postulate of her program, I am a living example: YOU SUCK AT LOVE. Alas.
To give a little background, let me just toot my own horn and say that I'm really incredible at reading people. For a tangible example, when I was in college, my friend Frank and I would play this silly game where we met someone, and after about one minute we asked if I could guess their major. Then I would, and over 90% of the time I would get it right (down to a very specific level; e.g., not just "engineering" but "electrical engineering", etc.), and all would be filled with amazement (okay, on a stupid party trick level of amazement...). I used to play similar games where I would accurately guess how many siblings someone had and where they were in the line-up, and other facts about their family or about how they were in relationships or something like that. But beyond these party tricks, the point is I just have this very strong level of empathy that allows me to be almost kind of psychic about people and to know very quickly what they're about, what they're struggling with, what they're feeling, etc. It really is kind of uncanny.
So now that you know about this, let me just say, this extraordinary ability goes straight to hell in the area of romance. While when meeting a stranger I could tell you lots and lots about them from a very brief interaction, when dealing with men to date, I am rendered completely useless in this area. Is he interested in me? Hell if I know. Does he want to get to know me better? Clueless. Is this a date, or are we firmly in the friend category? {blank stare} Is he attracted to me? No idea. You get the picture. I wish it did carry over though, it would be so useful. Why doesn't it??? Argh.
So, as Cindy Lu said in her show, as the first postulate of her program, I am a living example: YOU SUCK AT LOVE. Alas.
posted by bethany at 6:47 AM
3 Comments:
Attraction turns us to dumbasses. It is a universal phenomenon, not just you. This is one reason that we have friends. Hopefully those friends can help us weed through the bullshit.
luv
REP
I can attest to the major "game." Bethinator was almost always able to guess majors. I wonder if she can do this with occupations now that we are post college?
hey bethany...i totally relate to your post. i'm equally clueless, which makes me hyper-attuned to any signs of flirting, thus making me constantly read too much into things. i hope that you are doing well! i miss you. each time stephen and i play guitar there's just a little bit of emptiness, because, alas, the fabulous bethany is missing. :( take care, friend.po
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