Memories of Feelings
**Just as a point of clarification, my professor actually does know how Africa is shaped. It was just a very quick, spontaneous sketch for the board, and he wasn't too worried about the specifics; he just wanted us to have a general idea of where things were.
OK, on another topic, from time to time I think about the two guys in my life for whom I've had the strongest romantic feelings. Tonight it came up because I saw this singer/songwriter perform who I met once before for like 5 minutes, and had been idealizing him ever since. Anyway, about these 2 guys I think about, unfortunately neither of them was ever my boyfriend, which is sad to say. (Luckily, no old boyfriends read these blogs, or they would be really offended.) Anyway, these feelings were not just crushes, or infatuations, or even strong feelings of affection; they were deep down soul squeezing feelings. On a whole other level.
One of them was a guy I knew for a time in L.A.--but he had a girlfriend working on her PhD at an Ivy League school on the East Coast, so after we started getting really close, we had to stop hanging out (since his girlfriend was across the country, and here he was developing strong intimacy with a girl in his town). And that was really hard, but a real move of faithfulness and integrity on his part. It only made me like him more, damn him! Anyway, he moved out of L.A. a few months later, and he and his girlfriend married.
The other one I met at church here in Atlanta. We got to know each other in Bible study over the course of about a year. Then we went out one time--we went to an exhibit at the High Museum in Atlanta. A few days later I left for Christmas break in CA, and when I came back he had moved out of state and in with his parents because his mom was dying. His mom did die, and he ended up staying in that other state. He also now has a long-term girlfriend, and I'm sure will be married soon if he isn't already.
And so from time to time I wonder about my own memory of my feelings for them, and I think: is this just a case of me not getting to know these guys well enough to see all their flaws? You know, like they are idealized in my mind because we never spent enough time together that I saw the real truth of their jacked-up, selfish sides? -OR- Is it that these two experiences are evidence that this kind of love is truly possible and worth looking for?
The answer is not really important right now. It's just something I think about, and I thought I'd share. Anyone else have those people who you totally adored, never got to know as well as you would have liked to, and remain idealized in your mind up to this day? Do you think it has a positive or negative effect?
OK, on another topic, from time to time I think about the two guys in my life for whom I've had the strongest romantic feelings. Tonight it came up because I saw this singer/songwriter perform who I met once before for like 5 minutes, and had been idealizing him ever since. Anyway, about these 2 guys I think about, unfortunately neither of them was ever my boyfriend, which is sad to say. (Luckily, no old boyfriends read these blogs, or they would be really offended.) Anyway, these feelings were not just crushes, or infatuations, or even strong feelings of affection; they were deep down soul squeezing feelings. On a whole other level.
One of them was a guy I knew for a time in L.A.--but he had a girlfriend working on her PhD at an Ivy League school on the East Coast, so after we started getting really close, we had to stop hanging out (since his girlfriend was across the country, and here he was developing strong intimacy with a girl in his town). And that was really hard, but a real move of faithfulness and integrity on his part. It only made me like him more, damn him! Anyway, he moved out of L.A. a few months later, and he and his girlfriend married.
The other one I met at church here in Atlanta. We got to know each other in Bible study over the course of about a year. Then we went out one time--we went to an exhibit at the High Museum in Atlanta. A few days later I left for Christmas break in CA, and when I came back he had moved out of state and in with his parents because his mom was dying. His mom did die, and he ended up staying in that other state. He also now has a long-term girlfriend, and I'm sure will be married soon if he isn't already.
And so from time to time I wonder about my own memory of my feelings for them, and I think: is this just a case of me not getting to know these guys well enough to see all their flaws? You know, like they are idealized in my mind because we never spent enough time together that I saw the real truth of their jacked-up, selfish sides? -OR- Is it that these two experiences are evidence that this kind of love is truly possible and worth looking for?
The answer is not really important right now. It's just something I think about, and I thought I'd share. Anyone else have those people who you totally adored, never got to know as well as you would have liked to, and remain idealized in your mind up to this day? Do you think it has a positive or negative effect?
posted by bethany at 8:55 PM
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