1.04.2007

Making Plans.

When I was in college, one of my InterVarsity staff workers had this magnet on his refrigerator: We Plan, God Laughs. Ah, so true. I don't picture it as a conniving sort of laughter at all...maybe just a little good-humored chuckle, like one I might have as I watch a little child who is still trying to get the hang of tying her shoes. You know, with the loving look in the eyes and the smile of fondness that says, "Oh, you!"

Well, once again my plans have been demolished. As most of you know, I had plans for what I wanted to do after seminary (something that I had been planning to do for about 8 years), and that plan fell through right before graduation. I had no Plan B. So, I returned to teaching special education, at the same special ed high school I had taught at before going to seminary. I knew this was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but I really enjoy the students and figured it would be a good place to recharge and catch my breath as I learn to trust God in a new way, and think about what I might want to do next. But I don't have a full teaching credential, so I had to go through all this rigamarole to get into a University Intern program so I could buy myself 2 years while I finished my preliminary credential. All this time I have thought I only had 2 classes left to take before getting my preliminary credential; and then once I got that, I would buy myself another 5 years until I was supposed to have my full credential. I didn't expect that I would stay in teaching for the next 5 years, but it was a nice security blanket and feeling of safety since I had no idea when I might figure out where I was being called next. So I figured I'd just take those 2 classes, get the preliminary credential, and then forget about taking any more classes (since I don't really have need for a full credential anyway). So I've been feeling pretty relaxed, and not rushed about trying to figure out what the next step might be. And even though I really love my students, I really am not loving teaching in the public school system; but find it to be a good, stable place to be for the meantime. Plus, I love being back in L.A. where most of my really close friends are; and where I've been making some new friends I really enjoy.

But then yesterday, as I went to figure out about something at the university where I'm working on my credential, I found out that instead of 2 I have SIX classes left to take before getting my preliminary credential. Ouch. Bad news. It was going to be hard enough to spend the time, energy, and money on those 2 classes that are not taking me in a direction I want to go...but SIX...I just don't think I can do it. For the next year and a half I'd have to be in school (on top of teaching full-time) and would have to go to school every Saturday next quarter. The total cost would be in the neighborhood of $4,000. And I just don't think I have it in me to do that. I don't think I can sit in class for 4 hours in the evenings twice a week, constantly battle the bureaucracy of a university and a school district full of morons, and shell out money that should be going to my seminary loans--all to keep a job that I don't really want in the first place. I just can't do it.

But there goes the 5 years of decision making time I had. That means I can teach the rest of this year, and one more year before my current credential expires. But if I'm going to go to grad school (phd) then I need to figure that out by the end of this year, so I can start getting the stuff together to apply next year. Geez. I have no clue. And suddenly that nice, leisurely pace of figuring things out is not going to work anymore.

We plan, God laughs. Indeed.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, you!

and yes, a big blue GUMMY SHARK is exactly what i meant...if that's what the kids are calling them these days.

3:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should work at Toys R Us or Target. That would be sweet.

10:34 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home