A Friend Leaving the Faith
I had a great weekend up in L.A. It was great to see some people I haven't seen in a while, and just to have conversations and spend time together. And now it's just nice to have a break and to read and walk and cook and relax.
Right now I'm feeling really grieved about one of my friends though, one of my closest friends. She has been taking a break from being a Christian lately, mostly because she just hasn 't felt up for it, and said she wanted to work on some other issues in her life. That has been sad in itself, but I have just felt that when the issues were more resolved, and some healing took place, she would return to the faith. But when I saw her, she told me that she thought there was a good chance that after she finished working through those issues, she wouldn't return to Christianity. She said it just felt too restrictive for her--and that she's tired of feeling like she doesn't measure up to God's standards. She's just tired of constantly feeling like she has to do more, and that evenso it's not radical enough to really ever be enough for God. She's just tired of the high demands and expectations. She's just tired. But since she decided to give up on Christianity for the long term, she said she's felt a lot better--a lot more free and at peace with herself.
And right after she told me that she asked, "So what do you think? What's your reaction to that?"
And for some reason I didn't feel free to express the depth of feeling her news raised in me. I was pretty calm, even-tempered, and collected in my response, but in retrospect I wish I had honestly let my true feelings and reaction out. What I felt was crushed and pained deep down in my soul. I felt so sad for her, and also sad for myself and our friendship. I mean, I think it's good that she's casting off her version of "Christianity" with an ogre God who just wants to crack the whip and tell her how much she's not working and doing enough. But I always hoped that paradigm was getting broken so that God could replace it with something empowering and loving that celebrated who she is and gave her a call to service and freedom.
I guess that is still possible, and I can choose to hope...since hope isn't something that's just naturally springing up right now.
Right now I'm feeling really grieved about one of my friends though, one of my closest friends. She has been taking a break from being a Christian lately, mostly because she just hasn 't felt up for it, and said she wanted to work on some other issues in her life. That has been sad in itself, but I have just felt that when the issues were more resolved, and some healing took place, she would return to the faith. But when I saw her, she told me that she thought there was a good chance that after she finished working through those issues, she wouldn't return to Christianity. She said it just felt too restrictive for her--and that she's tired of feeling like she doesn't measure up to God's standards. She's just tired of constantly feeling like she has to do more, and that evenso it's not radical enough to really ever be enough for God. She's just tired of the high demands and expectations. She's just tired. But since she decided to give up on Christianity for the long term, she said she's felt a lot better--a lot more free and at peace with herself.
And right after she told me that she asked, "So what do you think? What's your reaction to that?"
And for some reason I didn't feel free to express the depth of feeling her news raised in me. I was pretty calm, even-tempered, and collected in my response, but in retrospect I wish I had honestly let my true feelings and reaction out. What I felt was crushed and pained deep down in my soul. I felt so sad for her, and also sad for myself and our friendship. I mean, I think it's good that she's casting off her version of "Christianity" with an ogre God who just wants to crack the whip and tell her how much she's not working and doing enough. But I always hoped that paradigm was getting broken so that God could replace it with something empowering and loving that celebrated who she is and gave her a call to service and freedom.
I guess that is still possible, and I can choose to hope...since hope isn't something that's just naturally springing up right now.
posted by bethany at 11:14 AM
1 Comments:
How ironic. God is our ONLY freedom! I pray for this person, that she would know that He loves her and longs for her to know Him. I know and pray that He will pursue her - I hope so!
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